Sad but Happy

Today in church I got released from being a Primary Counselor along with the President, the other Counselor and the Secretary. I have been in there for a little over three years so it was kind of a relief to take a break.

I am sad because I actually love this calling. I love the kids in Primary. It was such a humbling experience to work with such spiritual and intelligent children, I always come away every Sunday feeling spiritually refreshed and a lot better perspective on things in life.

When I first got called into the Primary Presidency, I was a little reluctant. The last thing I wanted then was to be put in a room full of children on Sunday after spending all week taking care of my children. I had wanted to be in Relief Society where I can see women and talk to women and be able to carry on a conversation that didn't involved yelling anyone to clean up their room, or pick up toys off the floor or any of the other loud sentences/phrases we mom often found ourselves using when trying to get our kids to do anything around the house. I had the hope that Sunday will be my break from kids. So when I got the calling to be a Primary Counselor I was a little reluctant but of course, I want to be obedient so I accepted it. Well as it turned out after the first two weeks in Primary, I had to admit that the Bishop and Primary President was totally inspired to call me to this position. It wasn't because of my knowledge of the gospel or that I was an expert on this calling but I believe this calling was extended to me mainly for myself, to humble myself and to teach me...I have learned a great deal from serving the children. Every week I go to Primary, I learned a new thing. Maybe this was Heavenly Father's way of helping to strengthen my testimony. I just know that being in Primary, our family has become better because of it. I was able to use what ideas I learned in there and applied it to our family living. There is nothing like looking at the world and the gospel through the eyes of a child.

So anyways, while I was sitting up at the stand (I am also our Ward chorister) after they had released us, I felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness. I felt like I was leaving somebody I really love. And you know, it is true, I've learned to love those kids as if they were my own and those three wonderful ladies I was blessed to serve with. And it just kind of a coincidence that our speaker for today happens to be a returned missionary and she was talking about how sad she was to leave the people she served and yet happy to be back with her family. I totally felt what she was feeling at the moment. I quess that famous quote our leaders and many speakers like to insert into their talks about how "we grow to love those who we serve" is actually true, uh? I mean I've never really cared for that quote before because let's face it, I am a mom and a wife and I serve my family because I love them not the other way around. So when missionaries would express that little quote I couldn't understand fully what it really entails. But now I know...who would have thought.

All throughout the whole sacrament meeting I was pondering about a lot of things. One is when I was a teenager, just right after I joined the church and I would observed how the missionaries would stood up at their farewells to say goodbyes would always say the same thing....they are happy that they will be seeing their family again but incredibly sad to be leaving the people they have come to love and serve...and I'd often thought that was kind of contradictory on their part. Of course they had to say they are sad to leave the people, it wouldn't be totally nice to say you're actually happy to be leaving and that's it..right?

Another thing I was thinking about was that I had approached the Bishopric two months ago that I would really like to be released from being a chorister so I could sit with my two year old who has become quite a handful for my family to handle. She kept running up to the stand when I was up there trying to lead the song. Well, instead of getting released from being a chorister, I got released from being a Primary Counselor. Is this some kind of a hidden message that Heavenly Father is sending me? Am still in this calling because there's still some things I need to learn? I mean, I love being a chorister, it's the easiest calling I've ever had and it also helped me able to get my whole family, seven children and all, to Sacrament on time, at least ten minutes before Sacrament start. But like I said, I miss sitting with my family down on the benches.

I guess I should say I am happy that at least for a little while I can relax and just go to class without having to worry that I need to be running around in church trying to multi task, having to juggle between doing sharing time, playing the piano, conducting and teaching a class. I mean I don't mind doing any of things if I can do them one at a time instead of juggling them all within two hours. I love doing sharing time and playing the piano sometimes even but a lot of the time I was not prepared to teach a class especially thinking the teachers are all there and then we showed up in Primary and found out there are two or three teachers missing so then we as Presidency had to start running around, trying to find sub or sub ourselves and do what we were suppose to be doing at the same time. I did learned a great thing from this juggling we often do every Sunday, I've learned to become very spontanious and creative. So maybe I have gotten what I needed from this calling.

So there...the little happening on my beautiful Sunday. I wonder what's in store for me next, what will be the next calling? I'm a little scared of the unknown but I'm up for a new adventure.

Alright....I need to close off for now and go get started on dinner.